Thanksgiving D-Lite

Today was one of the stranger days I've had which I feel says a lot considering I'm in China. For weeks our program director, Claressa, has been pressing Mandy and myself to be in this speech competition. An English speech competition. That's right; I can only imagine she wanted to use our obviously concrete knowledge of English to score a trophy for the international department. At first I clearly refused - I didn't want to be the asshole American who steals some kids glory that came about through weeks of hard work and preperation with a shitty speech I wrote two minutes before the competition. She took this news and dwealt on it. Next day she tells us that our speeches would not be ranked but would instead be an example for the other students. I still protested but was guilted into it thinking I would be doing something good to help these aspiring Chinese students understand English communication better.

The moment of truth reared its ugly head like the news of a child that you didn't know about birthed from a woman that you wished you didn't know you had sex with. Upon arriving at the site where the competition took place several Chinese people started pinning laminated numbers to our shirts. Why were we being put into the rotation of speakers? Clearly this has to be a mistake. As I glanced around at the WTF faces displayed on the other Chinese students who were trying to figure out what they were up against I had one question: How long will this take? We had prior to knowing about the competition made plans to have Thanksgiving dinner with some of the other foreigners at an Italian Resteraunt which was serving turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. Trusty Allen was on the case and he came back with an answer. "Maybe it will take four...and one half hours." WHAT? Four and a half hours? It's almost 6:30 now! We protested immediately. We were told an hour and a half tops. After threatening to leave on the spot they decided to push us to the front so we could leave early. Great. Now we look like assholes x2.

The speech competition was explained to us as taking place in three seperate parts. The first was a 2 and a half minute speech on a prepared topic. We were told only that the topic was "You and me." Quite vague, but I was willing to entertain the idea that it was just a poor translation and that the real topic was something that could be explained. I asked many Chinese people about it and no one could really give me an answer. Anyways, I made up some gungho talk about how we are all the same and that we all have the same concerns. The second part was an improv speech, and we were going to get the topic ten minutes before we spoke. When I got my topic I could not believe what had just happened. Imagine opening a fortune cookie and misplacing the cookie part...and you might have some semblance of understand about what I experienced. I was given a small, elongated piece of white paper with the following phrase on it: With enough will anything is possible. I began to check the piece of paper for the red print that teaches you basic Chinese characters because it looked like it could have been from the center of a fortune cookie. I gave my speeches and waited for the question round. Now, if you were in my situation you would probably have thought that this question would have been somehow relevant to the topics I talked about...or at the very least been something about me. No, it was time to play trivia persuit. The two questions that were asked were "Who is the current Prime Minister of Great Britain" and "What is the formal name of the U.K.?" W-T-F.

Well, we high tailed it out of there in a fast, worried that mobs of upset Chinese students would hate us for blowing the following speeches out of the water. So, we headed for Giannos for dinner time. We were welcomed by a helpful but perky young waiter who quickly sat us down and promoted the turkey dinner they were featuring that night. There was no question among us that we all wanted the dinner. Oh wait, he left out one small detail...they only had one left. But, why did you just promote it to us sir? Did you not think that MAYBE more then one of us would want it? We needed a game changer, so we suggested that we make these lemons into...pizza. Yes, for the first time in my life I can say I have had Thanksgiving pizza. We asked that we have the dinner spread across four pizzas so we could all share. Rohelio, our Mexican friend, quickly jumped up and asked if he could help make the pizzas. I think they felt bad that they didn't have enough food for us so they obliged. Great. We were all Americans sitting around the table, in a China at an Italian resteraunt...having a Mexican dude make our pizza. It was a bizzare concept that we joked about for a bit but I have to say, it was a damn good pizza. We coined it "Thanksgiving D-Lite" and suggested that the resteraunt make it a permanent additon to the menu. We took a picture just in case they needed a photo to put next to it in the menu.

Life is strange. Just when you think that the conditions in your life are going just how you wanted and you feel completely happy something takes ahold of the back of your head and slams it into a wall. That's how I feel right now and I look forward to coming home. I miss each and everyone of you to the nth degree. If I seem crazy or weird when I come back please understand that I am coming back from a journey that almost made me go completely insane. Many of you cats have journeyed abroad before and I always envied you for your pursuits and dreamed that one day I would be able to tell exciting tales of my own. I'm not sure if its been for the best or not yet; I think and dearly hope that one day I will see it that way. But for now, I can simply say that my adventure turned out quite differently.