The Lonely Mountain

The King of carven stone,

The lord of silver fountains

Shall come into his own!

Yesterday I embarked on a journey with my host brother Elton to Wudong Mountain. This week is National Week; the birth of China. Regarded much like we regard the 4th of July only that they need a whole week because they have to one up us I guess. I can't complain, its a full week off from classes.

The trip started with a death defying taxi ride to the train station. The driver was being especially radical even by Chinese standards. He would constantly swerve into the oncoming traffic lane to pass and seemingly play a game of chicken with the cars headed straight for us. Elton at one point asked him to not be in such a rush so he calmed down a bit. Whew.

At the train station we grabbed our seats and prepared for the seven hour trek across Hubei Province. The landscape was much like Wisconsin and I found myself reminiscing of home. Rolling hills and farmland stretching as far as one could see. The cows and oxen seemed so peaceful laying in the fields grazing. It was a good feeling.

Finally the train stopped in the middle of nowhere...which apparently was our stop. Literally, there was no train station we just jumped off the train and into a rock pile. I was a little concerned, but Elton assured me this is where we needed to be. We walked a ways and found a quaint little village at the base of the Mountain. The people in the village immediately turned on their foreigner radar and were on me like I was the prettiest girl at the dance. They all wanted me to sample their shitty food or buy their worthless trinkets (at 300% markup of course). We found a place to eat and soon were looking ahead at how to get up the first leg of the journey.

We were propositioned by a guy soon after to take a ride with him up the mountain. The shady dealer asked a high price but we figured if we took him up on his "taxi" service we could see more of the mountain so we went for it.

At the gates of the Mountain we got our tickets and took a bus up to where our hotel was. The place was pretty nice actually. I was expecting kind of a dumpy place that was without indoor plumbing from the look of the other places I'd seen on the way up. It was conveinently situated near some temples that we took a look at for the first night (it was evening when we arrived so we decided to save most of the exploring for the next day). While we were walking around we came to discover most things were closed so I grabbed a couple beers and we just wandered around a bit. We came to one of the closed temples and I noticed a trail off to the side. The trail wasn't especially prominent, but I thought maybe it was a little hiking trail or something. Now the fun part. As we were walking Elton asked me if I thought there were any snakes nearby. I said I didn't know, but no sooner did we end the topic did a little slithering friend come across my path. I stood still while Elton made little noises out of his mouth that I can only assume were trying to convey the idea of fear/disgust. After our little friend continued on his path we continued on ours. In the distance we saw an older dumpy looking building and thought maybe it was a landmark. We found nothing of interest near the shack which was situated on a shelf overlooking a valley. Paying no attention to the shack, we decided this spot might be a good place to come the next morning and watch the sunrise. As we were discussing this, a man wandered out of the shack seemingly upset. This piece of shit shack was this dude's house and apparently we were tresspassing. Whoops. We booked it as we weren't interested in getting pegged by his shotgun (I don't know if that's the Chinese style or not, but they watch a LOT of American movies so I wasn't taking any chances).

We found our way back to the hotel and sat outside. Elton was especially full of questions about America and my opinions on things in general. He asked me about how we party, relationship questions, sex, and political things like Taiwan (he assured me that no one was listening so I told him how Americans see the situation, it was a good talk).

The next morning we started our long trek up the mountain. The goal was to make it to the Golden Roof, the temple at the very top of the mountain. The scenery the whole way was breathtaking. I have never in my life encountered such sights. It was as if God himself decended from heaven with a chisel and some seed and created this whole exhibit solely for himself, but decided it was too precious a thing to keep only to his eyes. I can't even come to describe it with any clarity so I will post the pictures and let you decide what you think. Truth be told, its something that can only be understood by being there and photographs can do it no justice. There is just something about standing on even footing and looking across the ravine to a mountain blanketed in clouds that forces you to stand in awe of this product of nature.

The whole time I was leading the movements. I was wearing Elton out by dashing up the eternity of stairs. Every so often I'd hear him from below me begging for a rest. The stops were always a good opportunity for photo ops so it was a blessing. At some point we stopped for "dinner," and in some ways I wish we hadn't. We made premium prices for grass wrapped in a flour tortilla. Yuckers. Anyways, we choked that down and continued up. As we were climbing the 100 steps ladder we noticed a nice outcropping of rock that had plenty of shards from the mountain piling up near its base. Elton was wondering if we could take some as momentos of our trip, but was not feeling like jumping off the steps to the rock. I was being daredevilish so I did it (gaining even MORE looks from the hordes of Chinese that were now awake and climbing the mountain). I grabbed us a couple of the stones and we continued our long march to the top.

After hours of grueling climbing we finally made it to the Golden Roof and Heaven's Door. All the epic names attached to this place were well deserved, the best sights were to be seen at this altitude. I even had to delete some of the pictures I took earlier because the new scenery trumped that of previous snapshots. There was a beautiful flower that I wanted to nab if I could avert the eyes of the guards, but being the white devil that I am at this prominent vacation stop I couldn't find the opportunity. Instead what I found were hordes of Chinese asking to get their picture with me as if we were old friends. I obliged a few of them, but as soon as one started they all did, so I had to draw the line at some point.

We spent a lot of time enjoying the fruits of our labor and realized we were running short on time. Our train was leaving in a few hours and we would have to take the cable car down to catch a bus to catch a taxi to get the the city where we would get our train (since as you remember there is no train station at the place where we got dropped off). We would have to be fast to make it since this whole process had to be done seamlessly in two and a half hours. Luckily it went smoothly and we were able to get on our train right in time.

That's about all I have to say about it at the moment. I just got back a couple hours ago and my poor out-of-shape body is hating me. I'll leave you with pictures from an amazing start to National Week. I hope later in the week I will be able to go to Yellow Crane Tower and the zoo (pray for Pandas!).

Chinafornication

Today I emerged from my room for the first time this week not for the purpose of eating or going to class, but to give socializing a shot. That's right; me and other people in the same situation talking and engaging in an activity. My host brother, Elton (I think his real name is Cui Zhi, but he really likes Elton John) called me up and we went to the tried and true restaurant we lovingly dub "Mom and Pops." It's a little food stand run by this sweet old lady and stone faced older man who makes a mean Beef and Onion. Delicious food, and I was even offered some fish on the house which I graciously refused using the "wo chi bao le" routine (I'm full I think it means, anyways he understood the intent behind the words). Needless to say, I'm not the biggest fish fan in China and I've been good about avoiding it so far. Maybe its just the smell coming from the water that's made me so biased, but I'm still alive so I think I'll stick with the odds.

Afterwords we went back to my room and I showed him some pictures on Facebook because he was asking all sorts of questions about America. I think I nailed home the point that we drink a lot, since 96% of the pictures were in a bar. He liked that and pondered this idea for a long time and asked me a strange question that I'll mention later.

The event for the day was to be KTV, which is Chinese Karaoke. How it works is this: you walk in and they have a supermarket area for you to buy beer, liquor, snacks, smokes, etc. You get what you want for your party and you are lead into a room with leather sofas, a table, and a TV. Near the couch is a little computer console that has the song selection on it. You pick the song you want and it appears on the TV set with the words and sometimes an inappropriate video accompaniment (I did "All the Small Things" and there was video of farmland and irrigation behind the words rather than an actual music video). It was a lot of fun because I had to sing what few English songs they had. I believe the list included Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend' (which was a hit, since I did it "Alex style"), Rick Ashtley, Barbie Girl, endless Michael Jackson songs, Stayin' Alive, etc. It was a lot of fun and we had some laughs, mostly at how terrible it was singing older songs that I had no clue what the lyrics were. Next it was time to go shopping, because I desperately needed a Chinese AC adapter for my DS.

So I bought the much needed component to my handheld so I can finish the last hour of Final Fantasy 4 and the other numerous games I haven't touched on it yet. Of course with that task complete the next question was "what shall we do now?" There was no pleasing these hosts of mine; they were determined to host me to death. So I decided to entertain them with some crazy dance moves. I had him point me to the nearest arcade. However, much to my dismay there is no Dance Dance Revolution here, just some fucked up version of it with three pads on the floor and two sensors where you have to wave your hands to the beat. I failed miserably my first attempt, but my second attempt yielded better results. I actually had some people watching me and whether they were just being nice or enthusiastic to see a foreigner, they gave their compliments to my science. Some girls told me I was handsome and of course I chalked up some more points to my by now overinflated ego. I'm warning you guys, watch out when I get off that plane in December because I'm going to act like an even larger asshole than you knew before.

Next they wanted to go to the cinema and watch a movie. I had no interest in the big screen and instead had a much more important request: Pizza. We made our way down the street and lo and behold there was a fucking Pizza Hut. Normally I'm not very impressed by Pizza Hut, but in this strange land where cheese is unheard of I was desperate for a fix. Now, the strange thing about Pizza Hut in China is its like a super upscale place. We entered and I could have sworn we were not in a pizzeria but a five star hotel. There was like a receptionist type desk and everywhere were Chinese people all dressed up just standing like sculptured scenery with no destinies to fulfill. We had quite our fill of pizza and decided to call it for the day.

Random notes:
(1)The other day a guy I was talking with asked me if he could pray with me later. I was kind of thrown back for a second. I was stunned that he would assume I was religious. And than I thought, maybe he thinks he is saying something else and really meant to use another word. Trying to avoid a controversy I just said I was busy. Later I concluded what he was attempting to ask was whether I wanted to play with him later, which I further concluded sounded too wrong to justify with an affirmative answer.

(2)My host brother during the day asked me what would happen if I were to get drunk. I just laughed and was like "well, that's the beauty in it...we just don't know." He was confused and asked again what would happen. Again I didn't know what he was getting at. Turned out, he was actually asking whether I would be reprimanded from a higher authority if I were to get smashed - his concern was that he wanted to get me fucked up and see what crazy shit I would do but didn't want me to get in trouble. Such a sweetheart.

(3)Today I tried to say panda in Chinese, but instead said hairy breast.

Mid-Autumn Festival

Hubei Museum
This past weekend I went to the Hubei Museum for my Chinese Arts class. There were some interesting sights, though we didn't have enough time to fully explore everything that was there. The first thing we had a chance to see was a traditional performance which consisted mainly of a musical component of a number of different bells. There was also a dancing part of it which was interesting to see. The costumes were very interesting (I think I want to buy one so I can wear it down to Main Street when I come home).

The museum was full of lots of archeological pieces, many from the earliest of Chinese dynasties. Among them were wine jars, ladels, utensils, etc. Interesting for a while, but the monotany of so many of the same thing became a drag for a little bit. Once we got to see some of the tombs and the golden ornaments than there were some more beautiful sights. In particular I found the Golden Duck and Deer to be well crafted pieces. And than of course the weapons, the principle tools in melee combat. I took a lot of pictures of the swords, spears, and bows. Most of the "swords" seemed more like processional pieces, but than again the Chinese are very small.

I Don't Rap About Bitches and Hos, I Rap About Witches and Trolls
Friday I went out drinking and had a fairly decent time. It was a rap show, but it was Chinese rap so I could respect that a little more than domestic rap. My favorite is the intermitent "fuck you" amongst a bunch of Chinese words I can't comprehend. I was up front at the show for some of it, but eventually retreated to a balcony like area to sit and enjoy my weaksauce Chinese beer. The was a guy and a girl at the table next to me playing some dice games. I do enjoy dice games, so I started looking on and trying to figure out the game. Sooner or later they realized I was watching and invited me to play. We could hardly communicate, but somehow we were teaching each other various games - we even were able to gesture that if you lost you had to take an oblivion seeking gulp of whatever it was you were drinking. I also had the opportunity to play Chinese pool. Like everything Chinese, it was smaller. The balls were smaller, the table was smaller, and the corner pockets are rounded so you basically have to make a direct shot to hit a ball in.

The Host Family Meets Big Brother (家认识哥哥）

I met my Host Family on Sunday, which is Mid Autumn Festival. Didn't know I had a host family did you? Well, me either. They called me at about 10 in the morning asking if I would have lunch with them. So I did, throwing on some clothes and stumbling out the door. They were strange for a Chinese Family in the sense that there were two siblings. We got along very well, first bonding over a smoke of course. The oldest one says I need to hang out with him if I want to meet the ladies, but he defers to me of course because I am his Gege (older brother). We went to a really nice place for dinner. It was a private room that had couches, a tv, nice view from the third floor of the joint, and of course a well to do table. You get your own waitress who serves you personally. I had duck skin, fish, beef, mushroom soup, fried tofu, cabbage and eggplant, and probably tons of other dishes. One thing I picked up on was I felt like they were trying to hook me up with the niece, because they would often talk directly to her, say my name, look at me, and giggle profusely. Maybe that is the motivation for volunteering to cater to this kid from America.

In the evening it was time for the Mid-Autumn Festival. The story of the festival goes something like this: At one time the Earth had ten suns, which is just too many fucking suns. Everyone had to stay inside lest they get skin cancer. This dude Houyi had some fairly large balls and was pretty good with a bow, so he decides to snipe some of the suns down. He only shot down nine of the suns though because it was to remain the symbol for their heathen god and he was worried that shooting it down would mean that he would inherit the seat of heaven. Houyi was a simple man who liked hunting and Monday Night Football, being the Overlord of the Universe was no fate for him. He had a wife named Chang E who was pretty hot. Houyi had a pill that would make one live forever as a God and such. Houyi made Chang E take the pill so she could keep it secret and safe and out of the hands of the Nine Riders who were the shadowy remains of those asshole suns. One of the Nazgul riders was Houyi's apprentice Peng. Houyi never questioned why he always smelled of death and had leathery decaying skin. Friends care not about these things. Anyways, Peng wanted the pill so he went to Chang E's house to get it. Unfortunately for Peng, Chang E had mistaken the pill earliar for her Calcium Supplement and had floated into space to take up the seat of Heaven. Houyi later found that she was living on the moon and though she was always in the sky he could never truly be with her. In his grief and rage, he created a holiday dedicated to her and made everyone eat these wretched mooncakes which made all the people sick and killed Peng, his neighbor Frank who never mowed his side of the lawn, and the emporeor and every other asshole that crossed him. We now celebrate this holiday when the Moon is bright. We eat mooncake under the moon and make a wish. Mine is to not be offered anymore mooncake.

That's not exactly how the Chinese tell it, but I think culture is an evolving thing and maybe hundreds of years from now they will tell it like that.

Still Alive (ALeX)

This was a triumph
I'm making a note here...HUGE SUCCESS!



I am here now, and I apologize for the absence of correspondence. I just got internet today so you can imagine after two weeks of not being hooked up to the interwebs I'm like a crack fiend desperate for a fix. Time seems to move slowly here - with so many new sights and smells (most terrible, but that's to be expected in China) one would think that it would move at a rapid pace. The truth is my class load is lighter than I expected and without a job I just don't know what to do with myself. So far I've burned through all of my comics and have been playing a lot of Alphi Centauri because I don't know what other games Busha has on his laptop (I borrow his computer, thank you my friend).

My room:

I greatly underestimated the rockstar nature of being a foreigner. I constantly have people coming up to me saying hello, asking where I'm from, how old I am, and than quickly retreating to their English books to devise some new clever inquisitions so they can practice their English. It was fun for the first week, but I think I am harboring a strange animosity for my own celebrity.


The hardest thing is food. Being the white barbarian I am with little command of the language I have had to resort to pointing at things saying zhege ("this"). They generally just laugh at me but understand the intent behind my crude behavior. On that note, the food is great. Tons of spicy dishes and vegetables that I normally wouldn't touch at home prepared in such a way that they've become my favorites. I'll try to get pictures of those soon.

The city I am in is Wuhan, which technically is comprised of three municipalities. Last weekend I journeyed to the otherside of the river to Hankou. Hankou was different from the part of the city where I am from because it had been a concession to Britain I believe (possibly due to the Opium Wars but I am not sure). The architechture was very different. VERY Americanized, at least the part I ended up at. I had to take a bus down to a docking area, jump on a ferry across the river and walk through some slums before I got there, but the main district was filled with shopping centers, eateries, and a fucking awesome arcade that tops anything ever imagined in America. I bought some clothes that probably would have cost me upwards of $100 in America for a mere $30 given the exchange rate. I think my endgame really needs to be just to bank up a bunch of money back home and live like a king here.

Other than that, classes aren't bad...for me anyway. Some of the local students I understand have upwards of eight classes - in a day. How one can even study for eight classes I don't know, but its the Chinese way I guess.

Random observations: Chinese people wear a lot of clothes that are English brands or have sayings on them written in English, but after seeing some of them I doubt that they understand what they say or represent. I will give a few brief examples. My favorites from the conservative school girls are clothes with the "Playboy" logo on them or shirts that say obscene things like "Bitch!" Also, I heard there is a guy on campus who wears a shirt saying "Commies aren't cool." Whoops. Another interesting thing is that if you go to a fast food resteraunt you have to leave your shit on the table for the employees to clean up as if you are in a nice sit down joint. I can't tell you how many times just from habit I've tried to take my tray to the garbage to throw away my shit only to be intercepted and nearly tackled by a 4'5" Asian chick for making the attempt.

I think that's about all for now, I'll leave you from some pictures. I haven't gone to any serious landmarks yet so most of these are just pictures from the campus or from travelling outside the campus gates.