Chinafornication

Today I emerged from my room for the first time this week not for the purpose of eating or going to class, but to give socializing a shot. That's right; me and other people in the same situation talking and engaging in an activity. My host brother, Elton (I think his real name is Cui Zhi, but he really likes Elton John) called me up and we went to the tried and true restaurant we lovingly dub "Mom and Pops." It's a little food stand run by this sweet old lady and stone faced older man who makes a mean Beef and Onion. Delicious food, and I was even offered some fish on the house which I graciously refused using the "wo chi bao le" routine (I'm full I think it means, anyways he understood the intent behind the words). Needless to say, I'm not the biggest fish fan in China and I've been good about avoiding it so far. Maybe its just the smell coming from the water that's made me so biased, but I'm still alive so I think I'll stick with the odds.

Afterwords we went back to my room and I showed him some pictures on Facebook because he was asking all sorts of questions about America. I think I nailed home the point that we drink a lot, since 96% of the pictures were in a bar. He liked that and pondered this idea for a long time and asked me a strange question that I'll mention later.

The event for the day was to be KTV, which is Chinese Karaoke. How it works is this: you walk in and they have a supermarket area for you to buy beer, liquor, snacks, smokes, etc. You get what you want for your party and you are lead into a room with leather sofas, a table, and a TV. Near the couch is a little computer console that has the song selection on it. You pick the song you want and it appears on the TV set with the words and sometimes an inappropriate video accompaniment (I did "All the Small Things" and there was video of farmland and irrigation behind the words rather than an actual music video). It was a lot of fun because I had to sing what few English songs they had. I believe the list included Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend' (which was a hit, since I did it "Alex style"), Rick Ashtley, Barbie Girl, endless Michael Jackson songs, Stayin' Alive, etc. It was a lot of fun and we had some laughs, mostly at how terrible it was singing older songs that I had no clue what the lyrics were. Next it was time to go shopping, because I desperately needed a Chinese AC adapter for my DS.

So I bought the much needed component to my handheld so I can finish the last hour of Final Fantasy 4 and the other numerous games I haven't touched on it yet. Of course with that task complete the next question was "what shall we do now?" There was no pleasing these hosts of mine; they were determined to host me to death. So I decided to entertain them with some crazy dance moves. I had him point me to the nearest arcade. However, much to my dismay there is no Dance Dance Revolution here, just some fucked up version of it with three pads on the floor and two sensors where you have to wave your hands to the beat. I failed miserably my first attempt, but my second attempt yielded better results. I actually had some people watching me and whether they were just being nice or enthusiastic to see a foreigner, they gave their compliments to my science. Some girls told me I was handsome and of course I chalked up some more points to my by now overinflated ego. I'm warning you guys, watch out when I get off that plane in December because I'm going to act like an even larger asshole than you knew before.

Next they wanted to go to the cinema and watch a movie. I had no interest in the big screen and instead had a much more important request: Pizza. We made our way down the street and lo and behold there was a fucking Pizza Hut. Normally I'm not very impressed by Pizza Hut, but in this strange land where cheese is unheard of I was desperate for a fix. Now, the strange thing about Pizza Hut in China is its like a super upscale place. We entered and I could have sworn we were not in a pizzeria but a five star hotel. There was like a receptionist type desk and everywhere were Chinese people all dressed up just standing like sculptured scenery with no destinies to fulfill. We had quite our fill of pizza and decided to call it for the day.

Random notes:
(1)The other day a guy I was talking with asked me if he could pray with me later. I was kind of thrown back for a second. I was stunned that he would assume I was religious. And than I thought, maybe he thinks he is saying something else and really meant to use another word. Trying to avoid a controversy I just said I was busy. Later I concluded what he was attempting to ask was whether I wanted to play with him later, which I further concluded sounded too wrong to justify with an affirmative answer.

(2)My host brother during the day asked me what would happen if I were to get drunk. I just laughed and was like "well, that's the beauty in it...we just don't know." He was confused and asked again what would happen. Again I didn't know what he was getting at. Turned out, he was actually asking whether I would be reprimanded from a higher authority if I were to get smashed - his concern was that he wanted to get me fucked up and see what crazy shit I would do but didn't want me to get in trouble. Such a sweetheart.

(3)Today I tried to say panda in Chinese, but instead said hairy breast.